I'm back, and with a fannish creation of the nonsensical variety

[shah_of_blah]

So I've been busy with real life stuff, and before all that happened I'd begun quite a few fannish endeavors.  I came back and...was slightly less interested in some of them.  Decided to kick this thing out of the nest because it doesn't make sense anyway, so I'm giving up on trying to make it better.  Also giving up on adding pictures because I'm too lazy for that and I don't know how to put the text in the pictures anyway, so whatever.

This was inspired ages ago by latteaddict's Unfinished Business Revamped.

This thing that I wrote is stranger and not nearly as funny, and also lacking pictures.  It's sort of my version of Home, except not really.  The idea was for it to be my version of Home, but it sort of mutated.


First thing to know: I skipped all of the parts that I didn’t feel like mocking.
Second thing to know: This is one of my favorite bsg episodes.  I don’t dislike Lee as much as it might appear from this.
Third thing to know: I mock because I care.

HOME PART 1
Porter: He’s Adama’s son.  How do we know he won’t ditch us to support his daddy?
Roslin: Haven’t you ever seen the show?
Lee: You’re all a bunch of idiots and you’re going to get yourselves killed.  Don’t I have a promising career in politics?
Me: I don’t know about that, but you’re looking mighty fine this episode.
Roslin: blah blah Lieutenant Thrace blah blah
Me: Wait, what do you mean she mentions Kara and we don’t get a shot of Lee?  What’s wrong with the camera crew?  Don’t they know he’s pining?!

Meier: Hey Tom, come follow me ominously into another room...
Lee and Laura: What are you doing in here all by yourselves?
Meier and Tom: It’s guuuuuuuuuy love (between two guys)
(yes, I sang the song from Scrubs in my head every time they had a scene together)

Kara: Yo, whuddup.  Don’t shoot me down, k?
Lee: I’m so happy!  My not-girlfriend’s alive!  See, I was totally pining.

Lee: I’m so happy to see you I’m going to hug you and kiss you.
Kara: I’m happy to—wait, what?
Roslin: Allow me to interrupt your very public display of affection.
Kara: Oh hi Madam President.  *back to Lee*
Sharon: Hi guys.  I’m so ominous, don’t you just want to trust me and give me a hug?
Lee: Ahmunna kill you!
Sharon: Apparently not.
Helo: I’m taller than you all and I have nice arms too.
*Stuff happens that I am bored by*
Lee: Hey Kara, my mouth is saying that I’m glad you’re back, but I’m really pissed at you for something that’s totally not your fault and I never gave you a chance to explain and don’t you just feel sorry for me?
Helo: Hey Kara, your boyfriend’s a bit of a jerk.

Sharon: I  can tell you that you’re going to have to move very, very quickly.  I won in the Cylon Being Ominous For No Reason Contest, can’t you tell?

Sharon: minding my own business
Lee: I think I haven’t been enough of an asshole yet this episode.  Time to freak out again.
Kara: Lee, you’re in danger of losing your fangirls.  Although you are looking mighty fine.
Lee: Kara, I’m so pissed at you for everything that’s ever gone wrong in my life.
Kara: My life sucks more than yours, so shut the frak up.
*She leaves*
Lee: Was it something I said?
Sharon: minding my own business...

Zarek: blah blah Roslin blah
Meier: I love you.

Lee: Hey Kara, feel up for some banter?
Kara: I’m sulking, can’t you tell?
Lee: No.
Kara: Shut up.
Lee: What, you really are sulking?  What could you possibly be upset about?
Kara: ...
Lee: Well, you know, if you ever want to talk about it, I’m your friend and I love you and I’m saying this platonically even though I kissed you before getting pissed at you again, and even though I get really jealous angry every time you’re with another man.
Kara: What was that?
Lee: Nothing.
Kara: Uh-huh.
Lee: Seriously, nothing.
Kara: So you’re not mad at me?  I’m happy, but still confused.

Lee: Here Zarek, have a phallic symbol gun.

Elosha: *quotes Scripture*
Me: Wake me when she does something else.
Sharon: *interprets Scripture literally*
Me: I’m pretty sure anybody could have done that.
Elosha: *dies*
Kara: Apollo!  Let’s be buddy cops!
Lee: No I’m too busy freaking out.
Kara: Damn.

Roslin: *is sad*
Me: Even Mary McDonnell cannot make me feel sad about this.

Adama: Hey guys, I’ve got to go make up with my girlfriend and tell my son he’s grounded.

HOME PART 2

Sharon reaches top of hill.
Sharon: haven’t you learned, Helo?  I wear the pants in this relationship.
Helo: Yeah, well, I’m best buds with Starbuck, so I’m pretty used to taking orders.

Adama: I’m the only one who can reach out to Roslin...But last time I tried to do that, a military coup happened (totes not my fault) so we’d better bring Billy as a backup.

Meier: How much longer do you want to wait?
Tom (looking at Lee): Keep your eyes on him.
Meier: I can do that.  *sings* It’s guy love between three guys...

Kara: He loves her.  And yeah, he knows she’s a machine.  He doesn’t care.  He loves her anyway.  (i.e. gosh Lee, Helo’s girlfriend’s a toaster who lied to him and all that—which is way worse than not cheating on your not boyfriend—and so what if he shot her, it’s not like he ever called her a whore or said he didn’t care if she died, or anything like that...)
Lee: Helo’s crazy.
Kara: ...
Kara: Hey, Lee?  You’re supposed to be smart.

Sharon: Just being with you and Kara feels like I’m home.
Karl: You Cylons must have frakked up homelives...
Sharon: It’s like I’m back in the fleet.
Karl: Only if the fleet were made entirely of me and Kara.  (There are many copies...dundundundun...)

Sharon: I’m totally precognitive and I know that our baby’s a girl even though we’ve never had an ultrasound or even a pregnancy test.  Doesn’t that make you happy?
Karl: I’m less ecstatic, more creeped out.

Kara: I thought you might be interested in the tactical situation of our homeworld.  Oh BTW, there are people alive down there and it would be totally sweet if we could go rescue them after we take care of the Tomb of Athena.
Laura: I’m sorry, I can’t think that far ahead.
Kara: Gosh, I don’t know why I thought you’d be interested.  Or why I thought you’d be able to multitask.  It’s not like you’re the President of the Colonies or anything.

Cottle: Oh fuck. 

Baltar: Oh shut up, will you?
Cottle: Stop going crazy in there!
Baltar: I’m not crazy!  Why would you think I’m crazy?

Lee and Adama: This is the most touching reunion that ever began with two people pointing large guns at each other.
Kara: I lowered my gun first.  Doesn’t that count for something?
Adama: Here, you get a touching reunion too.

Tyrol: Hi.  This is frakking weird.
Helo: This is frakking weird.
Sharon: *hugs*

Meier and Zarek: guuuuuuuy love...oh, hi!  It’s not like we’re sneaking off into the woods to have pissing contests and bond over our manly love for one another, not at all.

Roslin: Funny, that thing that Starbuck mentioned about survivors fighting for their lives on the irradiated wasteland that’s left of our home planet.
Adama: Why are we talking about this?
Roslin: I just thought the two leaders of the fleet should maybe think about their actions.  I’m not sure why, but Starbuck looked pretty upset about it earlier.
Adama: I can’t think why.   You know I don’t believe in thinking.

Sharon: Do you trust me?
Helo: Yes, even though everyone thinks I’m an idiot and you don’t tell me anything.
Sharon: I don’t know why you’re so concerned about this.
*gun thing happens*
Sharon: See?  I told you not to worry.
Zarek: I love you, Meier!  Whatever your first name is!
Meier: guuuuuuuuuy love *dies*
(seriously, every scene with those two)

Starbuck: How the frak is an arrow supposed to open a huge frakking stone wall?
Roslin: *quotes Scripture*
Starbuck: kthx, that did not help.
Adama: Helo!  Come be manly with us.
Helo: Gosh, thanks Commander.  You know I don’t wear the pants though, right?
Adama: Yeah, but I’m just looking for a dumb brute, so that’s ok.  Oh, and Chief—watch over these people.  I totally trust you more than anyone.  I know you would never lie to me, and you could never ever be a Cylon, even though everyone totally thought you were last week.

Roslin: *quotes Scripture*
Kara: Thanks, we got it.  You can stop overcompensating for Elosha.
Adama: put the arrow in the bow.
Kara: But the decor is totally wrong!  The shades just clash so horribly!

(in the field)
Roslin: How come I don’t get a gun?
Me: Isn’t Billy supposed to be here?
Me: Oh there’s Billy!  Hi Billy!
Kara: I am so the only person who knows what’s going on here.  Didn’t any of you pay attention in Sunday school?

Kara: Are we gonna have to slow clap again? 
Gaeta: Why am I the only one who thinks this archaic ritual is idiotic?  Why are you all slow-clapping?!
Adama: CLAP
Laura: Oh for gods’ sakes.

Helo and Sharon: blah blah OUR CHILD
Baltar: Sharon’s the mother?  Damn, does that mean the baby will be a brunette?  I was so hoping for a blonde, maybe something in the strawberry variety, although platinum certainly does have its virtues, my darling...
Six: I’m an angel, can’t you tell?
Baltar: Um.  OH RLY?
Six: Let’s kill all the humans.
Baltar: SRSLY?  Haven’t we already done that?
 
I've been doing other things...which I shall briefly summarize should anyone be interested:

About four weeks ago, I left the country for this three-week-long trip that was incredible.  I'd done it before, but as a volunteer, and this year I was an employee, which meant I got to tell the volunteers what to do.  And anyway, it was awesome and then I came back and started a desk job.  Less awesome.  So I've been busy, not had an over-abundance of free time.  Although I did find the time to watch Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog many times.  But I've still got several bsg projects, and some other things.  I've also recently started watching Doctor Who.  Christopher Eccleston is amazing.  Why, oh why, is he only in the first season?  I'm not done with the first season yet, but I know David Tennant's going to take over...

Also I just watched this clip of Katee Sackhoff singing in The Education of Max Bickford, and my love for her knows no bounds.